I tell myself I’ll watch just one reel.
That’s usually how it starts.
I open Instagram after finishing a chapter, or sometimes even before I have started studying. I watch one reel, then another. One is funny, one is about football, one about a superstar's handsome son and another is something completely random, even a couple fighting. I know it's scripted, but it's captivating. Before I know it, 20 minutes have gone by.
It's like the algorithms are talking to me. I find a reel spelling out my state of mind: that unexpected ghosting, those mixed signals, about a partner who chooses me and doesn’t choose me enough. Who wants to stay with me but without responsibility, without accountability. I click on a psychological lesson from Jay Shetty (British broadcaster and podcaster), and it feels like the entire Instagram is telling me the same thing.
“Set boundaries; you deserve better”. The more I hear it, the more I want them to tell me, and they do.
The strange thing is that I know I should stop. I am sixteen, and I have my exams. Midterms are fine, but my boards are due at the end of the year. I know my goals; I know I have to work hard, but everything blurs out when I have a phone in my hand.
Trust me, it's not deliberate, but it just happens.
I know I have a book waiting on my desk. I know a test is coming up. I know I will probably regret wasting the time later. But knowing that doesn’t always make it easier to put the phone down.
Sometimes I switch it off and put it away. Then, a few minutes later, I find myself thinking about it.
What if someone has messaged me?
What if there is a new reel?
What if I’m missing something?
So I pick it up again.
Getting back to a book feels completely different. When I read, I have to concentrate. I have to remember what happened on the previous page. I can't just swipe if something doesn't immediately interest me.
With reels, something new is always waiting.
That is probably what makes it difficult.
The hardest part is actually the first few minutes after I put the phone away. My mind still feels like it is expecting something to happen. I read a paragraph, but my attention wanders. I read it again. Sometimes I realise I have been looking at the same page without really understanding it.
My parents think I am simply not disciplined enough. Maybe sometimes they are right. But I also think our phones are designed to keep us coming back.
At 16, I don't want to give up social media completely. My friends are there. A lot of what we talk about comes from what we see online. Reels are also entertaining, and sometimes I learn things from them.
The problem is knowing when to stop.
I am still trying to figure that out.
Some days I manage to keep my phone away and actually get into a book. Once I do, I realise something surprising: reading isn't boring. It just takes longer to get into.
Maybe that's what I need to relearn — how to be comfortable with something that doesn't give me a new distraction every few seconds.
Because sometimes the hardest thing about studying isn't opening the book.
It is putting the phone down long enough to actually read it.
P.S. Not giving my name. Not posting my picture. Because my parents will kill me